Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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