If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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