someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
