Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
