If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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