Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
