do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My vagina is officially offended.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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