Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
