Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
