You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
