I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
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