I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
