The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize