I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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