just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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