He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
why is half of my head shaved?
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