i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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