I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
God, I missed his penis.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
