Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
