i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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