You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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