You're my little dorito
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
