I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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