apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize