Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
