Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk is not a location!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize