That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
