saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
