so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
