I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
