Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize