Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
