I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
