Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
