were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
