In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
