she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
