Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
