i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
