There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
