meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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