Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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