I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
