why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
