Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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