if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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