going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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