If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
