Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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