Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
