Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
