So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pants are for mortals
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
