I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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