dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
