finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
