My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
