Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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