smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
