I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
