i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
