Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
