Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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